Saturday, February 19, 2011
Sunday, September 26, 2010
The Nymphomaniac
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.. As he settled in, he glanced
up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat ... As fate would
have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or
pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting
next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business
role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my
personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are
the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American
Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it
is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is
the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't
even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat ... As fate would
have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or
pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting
next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business
role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my
personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are
the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American
Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it
is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is
the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't
even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Bear Hunting Downeast
Paul and I went downeast to bear hunt. A friend of ours set up three areas for me to hunt. I have never bear hunted before so I welcomed the opportunity.
It started out OK. We rented a place in Lubec which was a typical downeast cottage. The bed left something to be desired; not terribly comfortable.
Bear hunting takes place at last light. Paul and I looked over the sites Derek had prepared for us and decided on the one with the double tree stand (where we could both sit together while waiting for Yogi). It required climbing up a ladder and shimmying into the seat. I was able to gauge my progress as the last time I attempted this feat was before I had surgery for my hydrocephalus and I couldn't get into the stand.
We sat three evenings waiting for the bear to come in. All three days had record heat and animals wearing fur coats like to rest in this weather. The wind (at least what there was of it) was perfect but no bear......
Paul looked over at me and commented that he had never been hunting with someone wearing full eye makeup and jewelry (you can never tell who you may run into LOL). Needless to say, I didn't get my bear although I am not through yet. The last day we were driving out and there was Yogi crossing the road. Needless to say, I am going back in a week with my son to see if I can get Yogi in my crosshairs. More posts to follow....
It started out OK. We rented a place in Lubec which was a typical downeast cottage. The bed left something to be desired; not terribly comfortable.
Bear hunting takes place at last light. Paul and I looked over the sites Derek had prepared for us and decided on the one with the double tree stand (where we could both sit together while waiting for Yogi). It required climbing up a ladder and shimmying into the seat. I was able to gauge my progress as the last time I attempted this feat was before I had surgery for my hydrocephalus and I couldn't get into the stand.
We sat three evenings waiting for the bear to come in. All three days had record heat and animals wearing fur coats like to rest in this weather. The wind (at least what there was of it) was perfect but no bear......
Paul looked over at me and commented that he had never been hunting with someone wearing full eye makeup and jewelry (you can never tell who you may run into LOL). Needless to say, I didn't get my bear although I am not through yet. The last day we were driving out and there was Yogi crossing the road. Needless to say, I am going back in a week with my son to see if I can get Yogi in my crosshairs. More posts to follow....
Friday, July 30, 2010
Quiet Time
It has been a rather quiet day for Tom. His friend, Frank, came to visit this morning. Frank has cancer that was in remission for eight years but has come back with a vengeance. He is quite active considering he has to wear a mask to protect him from germs. Still plays golf and all....I am in awe when I see older men and women living their lives with zest.
We are staying in for supper tonight. Tom is going to have barbecued pork chops, homemade potato salad and coleslaw. I prefer to eat in because it is healthier for him with his heart problems but Tom loves to eat out. He is so tired today, he didn't give me a fight.
So here we sit, watching Millionaire and Jeopardy while I cook brownies to take to Belvedere Commons (to butter up the women residents).
Fortunately, I've been able to run or walk every day since coming back here. It has been in the high nineties but it should help me when I get back to Maine. If I can run in this weather I can run in anything.
So, tomorrow is moving day for Tom. Two Men and a Truck will move his furniture and I will put everything together for him in his new apartment. He is going to love being with other people again. He was so lonely after Carolyn died.....
We are staying in for supper tonight. Tom is going to have barbecued pork chops, homemade potato salad and coleslaw. I prefer to eat in because it is healthier for him with his heart problems but Tom loves to eat out. He is so tired today, he didn't give me a fight.
So here we sit, watching Millionaire and Jeopardy while I cook brownies to take to Belvedere Commons (to butter up the women residents).
Fortunately, I've been able to run or walk every day since coming back here. It has been in the high nineties but it should help me when I get back to Maine. If I can run in this weather I can run in anything.
So, tomorrow is moving day for Tom. Two Men and a Truck will move his furniture and I will put everything together for him in his new apartment. He is going to love being with other people again. He was so lonely after Carolyn died.....
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Becky and Tom in Florida
It is hard to believe all Tom and I have been through together in the last six months. From broken wrist to broken hip to major heart surgery to bouts of pneumonia and two trips to ICU. We have had our ups and downs; with me in tears when the ICU doctor told me he wouldn't make it. Well, lo and behold, he got the news from his primary doctor that he won't have to be on oxygen for much longer (only until his lungs heal and strengthen) and he will be able to go back to work as a starter at The Hombre possibly as soon as two months. I hope I am that determined when I am 86 YO! His doctor is very enthused by his progress.
On Saturday, he will be moving to Belvedere Commoms on Panama City Beach to be closer to his golf buddies and work. I have been shopping all week for him. It is a very nice facility. He has two large rooms with a kitchenette and a handicapped accessible bathroom. I picked up a 32" Vizio LCD HD TV that the handyman will mount on his wall for him.
His longtime friend, George, who's a realtor, found Belvedere for him. He checked it out while I was back in Maine and kept me posted on openings. What a big help he was in putting this all together.
Wednesday, I am flying back to Maine. That will give Tom some time to let me know if he needs anything else from home.....
As a result of the last six months, I am thinking of going to nursing school. Is fifty-six too old to switch gears? I think not. I should have done it earlier instead of going to business school.
On Saturday, he will be moving to Belvedere Commoms on Panama City Beach to be closer to his golf buddies and work. I have been shopping all week for him. It is a very nice facility. He has two large rooms with a kitchenette and a handicapped accessible bathroom. I picked up a 32" Vizio LCD HD TV that the handyman will mount on his wall for him.
His longtime friend, George, who's a realtor, found Belvedere for him. He checked it out while I was back in Maine and kept me posted on openings. What a big help he was in putting this all together.
Wednesday, I am flying back to Maine. That will give Tom some time to let me know if he needs anything else from home.....
As a result of the last six months, I am thinking of going to nursing school. Is fifty-six too old to switch gears? I think not. I should have done it earlier instead of going to business school.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Returning to Florida
July 21st, I am returning to Florida. On Thursday, I am planning to tour Belvedere Commons on the beach as an assisted living possibly for Tom. He no longer wishes to live by himself and wants to be closer to The Hombre and the beach (as a lot of his friends live there). Tom is doing much better and I anticipate he will like living there. If he decides move to Belvedere he will be able to go into the assisted living portion for as long as he needs then he can move over into the independent living villas. Even in the villa he can opt for a meal plan that will get him out with other residents. Belvedere also provides transportation for residents. The villas are 1600 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 baths with walk in closets and a one car garage.
On July 23rd I will go and I will break Tom out of HealthSouth. I am sure he'll be relieved to get back home.
I am going to continue to run a 5K three or more times a week just to stay in shape while I am there.
Paul and I have been doing Baxter Boulevard weekly. Sophie (AKA puppyupalous, doggy do do and Sophie Linda) likes to run the Boulevard with me but I haven't been able to take her lately because she's been in heat. That is a whole other story....what a little bitch! I really didn't have to worry about a doggy pregnancy because she barked at every dog she saw....."Keep (bark, bark, bark) away (growl, bark, bark, growl) from me (growl, bark, bark, bark)!!!" She certainly wasn't up for mating. LOL. We really didn't want any mongrel dogs so it worked out fine.
I will keep the posts going from now on.....,..
On July 23rd I will go and I will break Tom out of HealthSouth. I am sure he'll be relieved to get back home.
I am going to continue to run a 5K three or more times a week just to stay in shape while I am there.
Paul and I have been doing Baxter Boulevard weekly. Sophie (AKA puppyupalous, doggy do do and Sophie Linda) likes to run the Boulevard with me but I haven't been able to take her lately because she's been in heat. That is a whole other story....what a little bitch! I really didn't have to worry about a doggy pregnancy because she barked at every dog she saw....."Keep (bark, bark, bark) away (growl, bark, bark, growl) from me (growl, bark, bark, bark)!!!" She certainly wasn't up for mating. LOL. We really didn't want any mongrel dogs so it worked out fine.
I will keep the posts going from now on.....,..
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tom's Miraculous Recovery
As all who follow me on Facebook know, my father-in-law Tom, has been in MICU fighting for his life. This last week his kidneys began to fail as he fought pneumonia and MRSR (medically resistant staff infection). I was told by Dr. Doom (my nickname for him) that Tom's prognosis was "grim" and that I should call the family if they wanted to say good bye.
Needless to say, I was quite devastated by this turn of events. Being who I am, I immediately contacted everyone I knew requesting prayers. I have been saying rosaries daily (more than I have said in the last 40 years).
I let everyone at the hospital know that Tom is a fighter. It seems that many of the so-called professionals are too quick to give up on 86 year olds, but I do not ascribe to that view. Up until January Tom was working at the Hombre Golf Course and playing regular golf with his buddies. This is not a man who has given up....
Now for the good news. Tom is improving every day. Today, he was able to speak a full sentence without losing his breath! He conned the nurse out of two breakfasts which he gobbled down. When Paul and I were visiting this afternoon, the nurse/social worker came by to tell Tom he would be transferred to Select Care for extended rehab this evening. I think he has walked away from Death's Door for now. I can't thank everyone enough for the love and prayers that have been sent our way. Continue to keep Tom in your prayers and God Bless....
Needless to say, I was quite devastated by this turn of events. Being who I am, I immediately contacted everyone I knew requesting prayers. I have been saying rosaries daily (more than I have said in the last 40 years).
I let everyone at the hospital know that Tom is a fighter. It seems that many of the so-called professionals are too quick to give up on 86 year olds, but I do not ascribe to that view. Up until January Tom was working at the Hombre Golf Course and playing regular golf with his buddies. This is not a man who has given up....
Now for the good news. Tom is improving every day. Today, he was able to speak a full sentence without losing his breath! He conned the nurse out of two breakfasts which he gobbled down. When Paul and I were visiting this afternoon, the nurse/social worker came by to tell Tom he would be transferred to Select Care for extended rehab this evening. I think he has walked away from Death's Door for now. I can't thank everyone enough for the love and prayers that have been sent our way. Continue to keep Tom in your prayers and God Bless....
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